Thrill Ride

Merriam-Webster just added “crunk” and “ginormous” to the dictionary. I can’t take it anymore.

Hello, my name is Scott. I’m 39, and I think Spongebob Squarepants is the funniest show on television.

Okay, now before you all roundly chastise me, let me defend myself. First off, I don’t get to watch much television. In the end, that’s probably a good thing, but that’s for another day. If the television is on in my home, it’s invariably being controlled by an obstinate and opinionated child. Take your pick…I have two of them. They’re both pretty much the same at this point, other than the fact that one is meaner and does all the hitting. That would be the girl.

So, as I was saying, I don’t have a whole lot of input into the choice of programs available to me, despite the fact I pay the DirecTV bill. Did I mention that the children hide the remotes? They do it so the other one can’t change the channel. All their scheming and machinations mean whatever is on is on. So, I have a small sample size from which to draw my conclusions. I’m pretty much limited to Spongebob, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zach and Cody or the two hundred and thirteenth viewing of High School Musical.

Given those choices, wouldn’t you pick Spongebob? Okay, maybe not, but the Square One is a riot. If you haven’t seen the show before, I would highly recommend a viewing. The show works on the same level as the old Looney Tunes, where kids laugh at the physical humor while the adults are entertained by the jokes flying right over their heads.

In an effort to expand your horizons, I would suggest trying to catch One Krab’s Trash, Sailor Mouth or Where’s Gary?. All three are stellar episodes.

That’s all I have today. Nothing earth shattering - just a suggestion to make you a more well-rounded human being. Enjoy!

Okay, so I just got back from eating dinner at P.F. Chang’s, and I feel like a loser. It seems like all I ever do is complain about how big chain restaurants and stores are destroying traditional American culture, and I sell out and eat at one. What is wrong with me? Does anyone remember what it was like to have only Mom and Pop restaurants and stores? Am I just foolishly pining for the good old days when they weren’t that good?

I understand the allure of a chain restaurant when you’re travelling. You’re in an unfamiliar place, you’re hungry, and you just want to get something that you know will be good - something familiar. Okay, then why travel at all? Why go someplace new and foreign to eat at Macaroni Grill, Outback or Smokey Bones? Then you follow it up with a trip to the local mall and hit American Eagle, GAP and Victoria’s Secret. Well, that Victoria’s Secret trip is still pretty good, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, I feel like a sellout for going to P.F. Chang’s, and I just wanted everyone to know I’m a hypocrite. Feel free to lambaste me for helping to accelerate the death spiral of everything good in America. I’ll be at Best Buy if you need me.

So, last night I ventured out to one of the local Super Duper Mega Multiplexes to see the new Pixar film, Ratatouille. First off, let me say that it was an adventure. Somehow my wife and her twin sister ended up with one easy-to-care-for infant, a fistful of dollars, and a sprawling complex of swanky places to shop laid out before them like the land of milk and honey. Meanwhile my brother-in-law and I ended up with four kids under eight, a movie about a rat, and several bathroom trips complicated by the fact that two of our charges were girls. I’m not saying we’re not capable, but it does present unique challenges.

Anyway, back to what I was really here to talk about. First off, Ratatouille is quite possibly the finest animated movie I have ever seen. Granted, that’s my opinion, but then again, this is my blog. Let me also tell you that as the father of an eight year old boy and a five year old girl, I have an extremely large sample size to draw from to support my conclusion. Ratatouille is that good.

The more I thought about why I liked it so much, the more I realized what I look for in a film. Yes, I’m saying that this sensitive little story about a rat in Paris made me think about what makes me tick. Before anyone tells me - yes, I know I’m hopeless. So, I guess I realized that I’m not your average male movie-goer. I’m not impressed by gratuitous sex or violence, and I don’t need seventeen explosions or eye-popping special effects to get me to the theater. Ratatouille does have some eye candy, and there are certain films I enjoy that have the aforementioned “guy things”, but I like a good story. Ratatouille is a great story. It made me think about how it was constructed, how it unfolded and how it pulled everything together. It felt more like a novel to me. That’s a good thing in my estimation.

There are lots of movies that I watch the same way - films like The Shawshank Redemption, American Beauty, American History X, Requiem for a Dream, Glory and Amelie, to name but a few. Give me any of these over the latest edge-of-your-seat-blow-em-up action movie. I’ll take the great story.

So, if you must pull yourself away from a good book, go see Ratatouille. I think you’ll enjoy it.

Okay, the title of my entry may be a bit dramatic, but I’m freaking out here! Grammar and spelling in this country are going to hell in a hand basket, and I blame it on the internet and text messaging. Does anyone remember when our pet peeves were the correct usage of there, their and they’re? How about the difference between your and you’re or maybe its and it’s? Ah, the good old days. How quaint they were.

Today, we are overrun with misspellings and ridiculous abbreviations thanks to our friend the internet. Shoot, we can even use numbers to spell if we want. We can use 2L8, H8, L8R or l33t. Forget about kids being taught things in school like - i before e, except after c. Pretty soon they’ll be told things like - BRB and ROTFL are not actually words.

On top of that, it’s creeping into common usage. How in the world are our kids supposed to learn how to spell correctly when everything out there is rite, lite or nite? I can see why this is happening. Heaven forbid someone would have to learn something other than a strictly phonetic based language. Oh, by the way, think about the word phonetic for a moment. That’s a pretty good joke if you think about it.

The thing that really gets my goat is not that people are so lazy with the language, but that it will become standard eventually. Want proof? One of my all time pet peeves is the word “collectible”. Notice it has an “i” in it. That is the CORRECT way to spell the word. Unfortunately, at some point, so many people thought it was spelled with an “a” that the fine people at Merriam-Webster threw up their hands and said, “I guess it’s okay. We’ll call “collectable” a variation of “collectible”. Are you kidding me? Why? Because people don’t know how to spell it correctly? That just irks me.

Oh well, I am but one angry man fighting the system. Feel free to ignore me at any time. L8R Dudez!

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